Mental Health/diagnosis stuff under the cut.:
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I've been suspecting an autism diagnosis for myself for a while now, but especially in the past year. Even further in the past few months following the research I've been doing. At this point I don't think I want to pursue a diagnosis for a few reasons. It's even more complicated by the fact that CPTSD can cause brain development differences that often present very similarly to autism - Am I autistic or do I just heavily relate because my brain is built to cope and process life and the world in a similar way?
Either way, keeping this in mind has been really helpful for understanding myself and finding more resources to support myself and understand the world and others. I'm not "taking" any resources from diagnosed Autistic folks and I'm not taking up spaces in their communities. It just....helps to see everything written out and filling the holes in my own behavior and neurology. Helps to know I'm not alone.
I found a neat floating village not too far from my little beach shack. I'm trying to find a cute Villager retexture but I haven't had much luck with getting any of them to work. You'd think there would be more out there, but NOPE!!!
While filling in my local map, I started getting followed by this little guy. I fed him a lot of Rotten Flesh to tame him, but then I had to run away from a bunch of mobs and lost him ૮(˶╥︿╥)ა
Between the chests in the beach house and another chest I found in a shipwreck, my character's outfit surely is....something. Maybe I'll update this post with a little sketch. Pictured is me wearing red crocs, a witch hat, leather top, and backpack over a generic emo skin.
I'm not sure howwwww dedicated to this I will be BUT! I've been playing Minecraft recently for the first time in my adult life, and I think journaling about it in shortform will help keep me dedicated to it. I remember on Tumblr following a few in character Skyrim Journal blogs and reaaaaally loving them.
I've started a solo Survival server using the Homestead Modpack ! I dabbled around in a public server but have...complicated feelings about them. I really like the idea of playing with others, but have found Minecraft servers to not be really welcoming? Watching things like Ish's Minecraft Civilization video set my expectations way too high! Haha
Anyways, I loaded into a pretty sight! It didn't take much exploring before I found...
A little beach shack! This place didn't have a bed, but having somewhere I could immediately call a base was awesome. There's also a little working radio in here which is cool! It's surrounded by flamingos and crabs, and a little ways off is a guide post pointing to a few different locations of interest... I definitely want to explore.
My overall goal is to make a nice backpack and take off adventuring in the world, exploring the different biomes and cool things that the game has populated. Depending on how it's generated, I may use my map as a jumping off point for my own personal worldbuilding project I've been chipping away at.
Here's a view of a pretty lavender forest close to my house!
I'm glad that this modpack has built in quests for most of the big mods like brewing, homesteading, etc. Overall I find even vanilla Minecraft overwhelming, so adding so many other things can be hard for me! I'm enjoying exploring the new content through the guided quests. I wish I could find a cute Villager retexture trhough CurseForge though....like animals or fantasy people? That would be really cool.
The draft for this post has been sitting on my Tumblr since August. Considering Cyberpunk 2077 chewed me up and still hasn't spat me out yet, I figured it could be time to go ahead and finish up my next installment of my Steam Library Log!
In chatting with friends about Dungeon of the ENDLESS by AMPLITUDE Studios, I learned that this game has a special place in many hearts. Folks seem to enjoy the Rogue-like genre way more than I do. "Dungeon" reminds me especially of Faster Than Light, maybe only because you have to handle your environment as well as yourself to progress through a level. Also in the way that I was playing on Baby Mode and still struggled to get anywhere.
I'm also learning that I personally don't enjoy this specific style of pixel art for games. Simplistic, tall avatars with no linework are difficult for me to connect to on a character level. Overall this seems like it's a fun game, I'm just not the target audience.
Another game from my childhood! I had a fun time revisiting Impossible Creatures by Relic Entertainment. I spent a lot of time as a child just smashing the different creatures together to make cool monsters. I don't particularly remember playing the actual Real Time Strategy part of the game. As an adult, I bet I could get prety good at this! However...
Cyberpunk struck right as I was within the second level of Impossible Creatures. A few weeks later, I came up from the neon induced haze to try and get further in Impossible Creatures - only to find that I had completely forgotten all of the buttons to do even the most basic tasks. I'm learning as I age that if I pick up a game after an extended absence and the story and controls aren't intutive, I'm usually going to shelve it. Here's looking at you, FF7 Remaster. Impossible Creatures was still a fun romp, and I could see myself revisiting it in the future.
Bear and Breakfast by Gummy Cat is absolutely adorable. I'm a big fan of the art style for the entire game, down to the UI choices. Cozy game fans will likely have a wonderful time with this! However, the more cozy games I play on this journey, the more I'm realizing a few things.
A lot of modern cozy games run much slower than I'd like. To be fair, Harvest Moon is also a bit slow to pick up. I'm spoiled on current releases like Stardew Valley and Sunhaven - there is just something about the pacing of the character growth that scratches the itch of feeling like you're making good progress without rushing you. Bear and Breakfast and Moonstone Island don't quite get there. I'm also finding that I want to play cozy games on a handheld device far more than sitting at my computer. I'd rather be curled up next to friends and partners, a hot cup of coffee near by, swaddled in a blanket. My inability to is more of a commentary on my financial status of not owning a Switch or Steam Deck rather than a point towards or against the game itself. I believe it was Jesse Schell who described how different games should be developed for different "places" of play, such as the hearth, outdoors, the living room, etc.
This post has been many months in the making and is considerably less thought out than my others. I find myself rapidly losing spoons as I type, so apologies if this doesn't make much sense! I'm not sure if my next Steam Library post will be about Cyberpunk 2077 or another cluster of randomly picked games...stay tuned.
I've been really proud of my ability to hold two truths at once in my mind while also radically accepting situations for what they are, especially in the face of this recent friend breakup. Therapist and everyone in my life are too. But tbh, it's not easy, and I don't think it has to be or should be necessarily.
I keep cycling back to some transphobic stuff one of my friends had said to me on a few separate occasions. I don't know if they realized it was transphobic, and I don't think that they are a transphobe. But that shit still hurts to this day to think about, and it makes me worried for other people in their life that may also be hurt by that kind of thing. I also keep thinking back in my own history, to transphobic things I said when I was young or not as well informed as I am now. I think the difference is that I cared enough to listen and to change, whereas I'm not sure this person has that inclination. Even if they didn't, their behavior isn't my responsibility.
I keep reminding myself that "I am allowed to be hurt by words said to hurt me." This happened a lot within the past year, and the difference between that and things said that "just so happened" to hurt me was night and day. It's sometimes frustrating to still be affected by things said months or years ago. Maybe that's a way to continue pointing me towards my own values and growth - more guidance as to what kinds of people I allow in my life and those that I don't.
Steam Library Playthrough - July 28, 2025
Originally posted on Tumblr - 7.28.25
Jones on Fire by Glass Bottom Games is a cute autorun platformer (dear gods save me from all of the platformers in my library) where you play as a firefighter saving cats! Like Gunpoint in my last review, I think that anyone who was a Flash Game Kid in the early internet will enjoy this. I don’t believe there is a win state to this game, just see how far you can get! This was fun to play around with for a while, but I don’t see myself chasing a high score on the game, myself.
As a longtime Game Grumps fan, I’ve been really excited to check out Homebody. The themes of mental illness and paranoia super appeal to me, and the visual style of the game draws you into the world itself. After playing a few hours I have some….mixed feelings.
The narrative is intriguing, and I likely will watch someone else play through the whole game so that I can experience the full story that’s trying to be told. The game mechanics themselves with the time looping and memorization are an effective recreation of living with OCD - it’s really powerful stuff! But boy, when I tell you this game frustrated the HELL outta me. There are quite a few puzzles that you have to wait until the killer arrives to even start, and others that feel like you need to be pixel perfect to beat. Speaking of….
Say hello to the bane of my existence and the reason I am not finishing this game - Pird Mystery. Once again, my absolute inability to play a platformer with any skill has killed my ability to progress. My little pixelated head sought out eggs like a heat seeking missile. Overall I do think this game has its strong points, so if you’re curious about it I suggest giving some game play a watch before deciding on buying.
Oblivion by Bethesda Game Studios is a game that has been with me for the majority of my life. It is one of the first games I remember playing, right next to Spyro: Ripto’s Rage. When I saw the announcement for the Remaster, I immediately called out of work for the rest of the week. The remaster doesn’t disappoint, it is a BEAUTIFUL rendition of the game I know and love while still being true to the original. I highly recommend it to those who may or may not have played the original. Speaking of games from my childhood…
I could write a whole blog post alone on Monster Rancher 2 and the insane grip that it has on my game development to this day. Monster Rancher 1 & 2 DX is a port of the first two MR games to the PC. The main mechanic of MR is inserting different CDs you have into your system, which would then generate different monsters for you to train, breed, and fight. The DX version does a good job of getting around this by instead using a music library and grabbing code from different pieces of songs - an effective way to stay true to the original mechanic without being too easy to cheese. For this play through, I decided to pick up Monster Rancher 1 since I’ve never played it before. Meet Atom:
Atom was my randomly generated first monster, and they are wonderful. I was surprised by a few differences between this game and MR2 right off the bat. There are considerably less Monster species in this game than there are in the second, leading to less combination options. Despite this, the game does a good job of throwing different enemies at me in the Battles. Second, the training montages are not full 3D animations like in MR2, they’re instead these very cute pixel art vignettes. Here’s Atom helping someone cart their stuff around in town.
While I think the game at it’s core is fun and interesting, I have some major problems with the port to the PC. The localization is just not good - and there’s no excuse for it. The original PlayStation titles were translated to English and localized really well! Meanwhile I get lines that are pretty devoid of personality and are super confusing in this version. Secondly, the controller keybindings are counterintuitive (circle for enter, really???) and don’t match the original games at all.
If you are interested in the Monster Rancher games, I suggest that you emulate them. You will admittedly have more hoops to jump through if you want to generate monsters off of “discs”, but the overall experience is much more streamlined.
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This ended up being a much longer blog than I intended! Thanks to those following along at home, this series has been a lot of fun.
Steam Library Playthrough - July 24, 2025
Originally posted on Tumblr - 7.24.25
In the face of too many options, I’ve started using this tool to pick games!
I went from not caring about this game to binging it within the span of 4 hours. The Hex by Daniel Mullins Games was an absolute DELIGHT from start to finish. I played this game with absolutely no context for what it was, and I highly suggest that you do so too. A great game for those who love an engaging narrative, puzzle mechanics, and tongue in cheek commentary.
I was going to play this but then I realized it’s by Amazon Games! Immediately uninstalled and yeeted into the void - fuck you Amazon.
This is a game that looks lovely and I’m sure is a lot of fun, but is decidedly Not For Me. Guacamelee! by Drinkbox Studios has a LOT of charm! The art style is great, and the focus on Mexican culture is a breath of fresh air in regards to the “usual” suspects of video game protagonists and stories. The game is a platforming beat-em-up, and it seems to do that well. I say seems because I am, notoriously, HORRIBLE at platformers and beat-em-ups. When I say I got stuck on the first real level, I mean that the platforming itself really stumped me. To be clear, this is NOT a negative on the game, it’s just the truth of my ability as a gamer. If you put me in front of a Mario game, I will just Suffer. Overall, I think this would be a fun play for anyone who enjoys the genre.
The random generator really decided to give me a bunch of games that are just not my type. Gunpoint by Suspicious Developments is a puzzle…platformer? Where you play as a spy with super powered pants. There are mechanics around rewiring the offices you break into, but they’re a bit clunky. The art is pretty but its also TINY - I’m playing on a large screen and while the game can fill my whole screen I’m still left squinting to try and see what is actually happening and what things are interact-able. If you were a player of classic flash games on Newgrounds you may like this title, but it’s just not for me ♥
Steam Library Playthrough - July 20, 2025
Originally posted on Tumblr - 7.20.25
Time for more games!
Moonstone Island by Studio Supersoft is definitely a sloooow starter. I’m a little worried that this won’t ultimately hook me, but so far it’s been a nice time! The pixel art is adorable, I love the inclusivity of the game, and I think some of the mechanic mashups (JRPG + Deck based combat) are interesting! This definitely feels more like Harvest Moon than it does Stardew Valley - I could see it being a fun play on a portable device like a Steam Deck.
Say hello to Cillicunt. In an attempt to do a decently speculative biology run of Spore by Maxis, I have accidentally created the most little girl coded monster in my entire life. She sees all and destroys all.
I played Spore when I was a child, but still have never completed the game. And after putting in 6 hours as an adult, I’m not gonna complete it now LOL. It gets considerably faster paced and more difficult once you pass the creature stage, and try as I might it’s very hard to be peaceful or “middle way”. My poor little creatures have been forced into VIOLENCE. In general, I think of this game as a fun toy until it gets to this point - but I wouldn’t consider it something on my list of favorites.
I had a really lovely time with the Town to City demo by Galaxy Grove. I initially found this game through the lovely MadMorph's channel, and immediately ran to grab the demo. While I’m not usually a fan of the 3D pixel style of this game, I think it works perfectly with the mood overall. It also perfectly balances the “stresses” of being the Godly Mayor of a community while also not being something biting your fingers in fear. I also LOVE how it incentivizes and guides decoration! Ask any of my friends - I am notoriously bad at building or decorating in any game, as much as I’d like to say otherwise. With the decoration along routes and specific home goals, I feel like I was able to create a lovely little settlement without any pain. I’m looking forward to the full release of this game, and hope you will too!.
I’m a big fan of putting on a podcast, documentary, or video essay and getting to cleaning - IRL or digitally. Crime Scene Cleaner by President Studio scratches the itch that Viscera Cleanup Detail has left behind. The cleaning is fairly satisfying, the story is pretty engaging, and I LOVE the inclusion of the secrets! There are some English localization issues, but if anything it adds to the quirks rather than making the game confusing. I’m currently 12 hours in with (I believe) 2 quests left. I definitely recommend this to anyone who also likes virtual cleaning games.
Edit, 11.4.2025: I've sinced finished Crime Scene Cleaner adn definitely enjoyed it. I love the secrets that you can discover in each level, and the odd background storyline happening through them. My only gripe is that the second to last level, the museum, is GREAT! Only to be followed by a very boring to look at and huge level in a warehouse that I had to push to get through. I wish the last level was more of a fun send off.
Steam Library Playthrough - July 16, 2025
Originally posted on Tumblr - 7.16.25
I’ve got almost 300 games in my Steam library from Humble Bundles past. As a game design student in college, it was often more cost effective to buy a bundle with a “required” game in it rather than purchasing it by itself. Hence, tons and TONS of games that I’ve never played. This doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of all of my itch.io downloads and TTRPGs, either.
Over the past few days, I’ve started to go through and clean up my Steam library, add more of my itch.io games to it, and playthrough things I haven’t before. I thought it would be fun to give little reviews of the stuff I’ve been playing! So without further ado…
Online Obsession by sourmilk is a Ren'Py developed dating sim based around your online stalker best friend moving to your town. As of right now, the Demo is out and playable for free on Steam. The art is really high quality! I suggest this game to people who enjoy the “adoptable” culture on ToyHou.se - a lot of the designs seem to have that style to them. While the demo leads up to the action, you don’t get to get into any of the really juicy bits of the game - a good hook for keeping people invested! Overall I enjoyed this and managed to play through in about an hour, and am looking forward to the full release.
I played the demo for CRYPTMASTER by Akupara Games over the span of about 35 minutes. In this game, you play as one (?) body containing the four identities of lost heroes and one very evil necromancer trying to return to earth. The movement is reminiscent of late 90s and early 2000s first person exploration games - you are stuck to the four cardinal directions and spinning on that same axis. Because of this I suggest against playing this if you are sensitive to motion sickness. You interact with the world through typing your attacks, thoughts, and attempts to understand what the Cryptmaster is seeing in any given chest. The visual styling for this is SUPER strong! Overall all I think that this game has a lot of promise, even if I personally don’t see myself playing through it in its entirety.
Atlyss by Kiseff is an adorable yet challenging furry romp. I think that enjoyers of Souls-like or strategy heavy combat games will love this one! The graphics are super smooth in their low-poly, high color execution. I’m especially a fan of the old school questing UI and information delivery. While the combat is fast, snappy, and fun, I personally know that this game will lead to more frustration and enjoyment for me just given the type of gamer I am.
As a Baldur’s Gate 3 and Dragon Age: Origins enjoyer, I figured that Divinity: Original Sin by Larian Studios would be a good fit for me. I’ve had close friends as well as people I follow sing its praises as to the story line and gameplay. As much as I want to believe them, I’m finding it really, really difficult to get into this game. There is a huge info dump of information about the world at the beginning that is hard to follow, and while you can customize your character to a point, I almost wish that the devs had just given me a few “standard” characters to play as. I know that you can grow your story and reactions as you go along, but at the beginning I struggled to connect with my avatars as well as the greater world at large. I think if you’re a fan of classic fantasy adventure novels this would be a PERFECT fit for you. Maybe I’ll give this series another shot in the future, but for now it will sit in my “Unfinished” collection.
Hello World.
I'm slowly getting the site put together. I think at some point I want to revisit the layout and sizing for the whole site, but for right now it works well for what I want.
This page and blog posts will be used for longer form writing. I'm thinking of moving away from other hosts like Tumblr for blogging - as much as I love the website, I'm not happy with the censorship there and the fact that I don't really "own" any work put there. I also like the idea of having my work and the work that I repost separate. We'll see!
at some point i should also come back to this and make a list of all the things I'll blog about lakjsdfjls